Hallowe'en 2008 7

"Do I count?" asked the Black Queen.

"An excellent question!" He had been wondering whether the scythe should be counted, in fact.

The Black King turned his ace around again so the heart was visible and hugged the top of it. He purred "Why, dearest, of course you count. Your opinion is terribly important to... somebody, somewhere, no doubt."

"I think we're at eight, her majesty included," the Joker said, and ruined a Full House in the course of retrieving the card.

The letters:
YTHE
TER

were inscribed on the back in permanent marker.

After a moment of letter-assemblign, the Jester said, frowning, "I think I am oblieged to object."

"Contractually, indeed," nodded the Knight, loosening his paper sword in its elastic band.

The King and doom beast, neither of whom was a great reader, both seemed nonplussed.

The Joker got in between the Knight and the doombeast, whipped her cap off her head and held it in front of her with both hands.

"Kind sir, you would not attack an unarmed woman?" she pleaded, pouting puppy-eyed.

"Who with the what now?" asked the doom beast as the Knight stepped back, and

"What are you threatening my minion for?" asked the Black King, while

the White Knight declared "I'd do no such thing."

"I would," the Black Queen said helpfully. She was smirking to herself, but instead of doing anything meaningful, she instead sampled the treats.

Unfortunately, the Joker was already halfway through telling the doombeast, "The message reads 'Slay the monster', and, well, you're the obvious choice..."

"I'm not sure he is," said the Black King, matching his Queen's tone.

"Oh, right!" the doom beast said. "I remember now. The little guy said there was something..." He broke off and chuckled in a muzzly fashion. "Well then, who wants to try it?"

"... well, the obvious choice against which I am contractually oblieged to object," the Joker replied.

At the doom beasts general challenge she first shot him an exasperated look, then turned to the Black King to see if he had any obvious preferences on the matter.

"This is foolishness! My doom beast cannot be defeated," declaimed the Black King. He followed this up with a menacing, and rather high, dread and terrifying laugh.

The White Knight, though looking impressed at all the adjectives, barked a short "ha!" of defiance.

"Well, in that case, objection voiced, job done, do whatever you want." The Joker rammed her cap back where it belonged and retreated to the other side of the table at speed.

The Black Queen facepalmed. "This is why I do all the talking."

"And very melodiously indeed, if I may say so--"

The White Knight was cut short by the doom beast lunging at him, all scales and fangs and marshmallow breath. He stepped aside and drew his shiny snickersnee with a beautiful flourish.

The doom beast roared. The chandelier shivered.

The Joker jumped on a die fora better view.

He in the Knight costume was very good at drawing a sword. He could palm it like a rattish coward, brandish it with a heroic ting, or flaunt it, sneering fit to make the designated hero of the hour quail in its full plate boots. However, he couldn't actually fight with one.

He was perversely proud of that, actually. Don't tell anyone.

"Last chance, evil beast," the faux swordsman cried, tossing his sparkly hair.

Trying hard not to laugh at the theatrics and stage-fencing, the Joker wondered if she should have played bodyguard to the Beast. Still, it seemed to have fun.

The horse-masks were quietly enjoying the show as well. One could in fact say the Knight and doom beast were natural showmen, or simply that they liked to entertain.

"Defer to a dismal death of doom!" roared the beast.

"For Queens and chessboard!" cried the Knight.

There was a large amount of circling and gnashing in between lunges and parries.

"My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure!"

"Giving married women the eye ain't pure, sunshine!"

"Never heard of courtly love?"

"Oh, that's pure. Pure myth, sweetheart; and in that knowledge, despair and die!"

The doom beast sprang, bore him to the ground and snapped at his throat while the Knight tried to keep him away with an elbow to the neck.

The doom beast stage-whispered "And here's my little - grrrg - secret. I killed your father!"

"Oh dear, really?" said the Knight, who had taken the opportunity to reach for something at his left hip.

"He squirmed and begged," the monster slavered, a wicked glow in its eyes. "Let's see if his feckless son will beg too."

"Begging is your job," the Knight snarled, and without further delay he plunged his shiny dagger into the beast's scaly hide.

There was a howl of rage and pain from the creature and an indignant squeak from the Black King. The knife went in over and over until the beast collapsed upon the Knight. Its dread head lolled.

The Knight pushed it heavily aside, got to his feet, cleaned his weapon on its flank and then tossed his hair again.

"Play dead, Rover," he said.

The Black King had his head buried in his Queen's shoulder, plainly unable to look. His own shoulders were shaking.