Slow authors pt 1

Or, Author-Taming for Fun and Profit
Please share your advice, experience and questions.

Some requests to set the apple barrelling:

• What is an effective approach to convincing a triad of authors to continue an interesting story?
• How should one mark time when the writer of one's current romantic interest is off somewhere indulging in Mysterious Prosaic Activities?

I like the idea of locking them in a pet carrier until they promise to continue. *evilgrin*

Ramble.

...
Well, Varus, if you wanted to turn my writer into a miserable bundle of laughing cramps, you succeeded.

*sigh*

Wonderful. I do not suppose you would like some wine?

*frown*

Why wouldn't I?

A brilliant question! Because I have some and it is impolite to not share.

*takes breath to answer, hestitates...*

You suggesting I want you took look impolite? o_O

Of course not. I am merely suggesting that it is only proper I ask you if you would like some wine, which is what I have done.

I'd like to, but considering I'm having a headache already, I think I should pass.

Man, I need to get myself a better quality brain than Anke's to think with...

What comes to the author of a romantic interest being off on one expedition or another, I have found it best to write perfectly immature fantasies of what to do with said romantic interests and pretend the author wrote it.

Unfortunately it has not worked too well in my case, as I doubt my world has the Bahamas.

Metafiction; now there's a truly horrific thought. Remember that I occasionally share headroom with Miss Ishtar, whose idea of fiction-writing is... *pauses, pinches bridge of nose* Well, putting it kindly, trash for illiterate juvenile girls.

*His time in the Big Sibling house has evidently scarred Iceheart deeply.*

Hey, you snob, I'll have you know me and my friends and cowriters at EmppMyst are mythological creatures, perfectly literate, have an age range in the tens of thousands and are not all (technically or continually) girls.

I apologise for my rudeness.

Allow me to amend my description to: "Prose popcorn of the sort consumed by juvenile girls and mythological creatures of varying ages".

Look for other people to date. Drop each after the first date. Count how many you can manage until she comes back.

I enjoy her company, not the courtship process for its own sake.

Get over her and do something better with your time. Take it as a sign that you weren't Meant To Be.

Also stop moaning about it.