Professional jokes

The incredible importance of magicians. Lest we forget.

Can I tell one? How many magicians does it take to scramble an egg?

One to cook the egg, one to question his methodology, another for peer review, another to call him a cantankerous old fraud and a fifth to dig all the fragments of shell out of the ceiling.

And one to catch the chicken...

Brilliant!

On similar lines to Weft's, how many magicians does it take to pick an apple?
Four: one to reverse gravity, one to bend the tree trunk, one to breed self-picking apples through an ingenious new system of grafting and a fourth to mop up the apple purée.

How many magicians does it take to change a wagon wheel?
Three: one to lift the wagon, one to change the wheel and a third to cut the horse down before it's throttled.

How many magicians does it take to milk a cow?
First, consider a spherical cow...

I heard some good ones too...

How many healers does it take to eat a pot pie?
One to make the incision, one to mop her brow, one to pass her the implements and a fourth to check the others haven't left a scalpel in there.

How many healers does it take to scramble an egg?
One to cook the egg and two to counsel the hen.

How many healers does it take to make a cup of tea?
Just one, but watch out her fee isn't too steep.

Come to think of it...

Q: How many Offwhite monks does it take to make scrambled eggs?
A: The mere threat of one.

Q: How many Offwhite monks does it take to sharpen a knife?
A: One lucky one to sharpen the knife and one terrified one to explain to the brother quartermaster what it was doing dull.

Alternative: Doesn't matter, they're all horribly keen.

Q: How many Offwhite monks does it take to make a cup of tea?
A: How many can you afford? *eyebrow* (Referring to the whole tea-making thing.)

I've heard others but I forgot them.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
"Four, three stacked in order of size while the top one holds the bulb very carefully in his teeth, and another to run around chasing his tail until the room spins."

How many dogs does it take to sweep a floor?
"About ten happy ones, as long as they're sitting down."

How many dogs does it take to make a bank deposit?
"Three, one to dig a hole in the bank, one to drop the bone in and another to handle all the endless filling-in."

How many attractive and talented dogs called Basaltine does it take to retrieve a stick?
"No need to ask, I'm already fetching."

Why did the dyslexic priest shriek every time she saw a spotty dog?
"Her holy book said iniquity leads to eternal dalmatian."

Here's one they tell in my home city.

What's the difference between a monk and a broken ladder?

A broken ladder can only break your neck, a monk has more options how to kill you?

Sorry, I realise this is coloured by the kind of monks I've met.

Um, no. A monk is full of smiles, a broken ladder drops climbers.

...

I've just realised this doesn't work when translated into another language.