Siri? You in here?

Weft: Siri, you in here? Siri? Siri! Mod girl! Help!

Siri: Ack! What? What?

Weft: I need you to moderate Suitov urgently!

Siri: *begins rolling up sleeves* What's he doing?

Weft: Plotting destabilisation of this board. *when this achieves no effect* ...Doing medical experiments on big liquid-eyed puppies with waggly tails? *at sceptical look* All right, he's wilfully being cute and annoying. You have to make him stop.

Siri: *purses lips* And why should I take your side?

Weft: You like me.

Siri: I what.

Weft: You like arguing with me. You put it in the rules, which means I'm your favourite.

Siri: Wef-- wait, are you the vampire Weft? The delusional one?

Weft: No. I'm the one with the pulse and the sense of humour.

Siri: Weft. Is Suitov actually misbehaving.

Suitov: I'm sitting by this pond quietly building coots.

Siri: Come again?

Suitov: *waves paper bird* Care to join me?

Siri: *blink*

Weft: All right, Ms Siri, thank you. This was a drill. Your response time has been noted and a copy of your completed assessment will be sent to you.

Siri: I'm a what huh? Hey, come back here! You... *controls laughter* That threat about the glue still stands, monk!

Suitov: *launches a seaworthy paper duck. Splash!*

Siri: You're strange. *shakes head at him, wanders off*