Romance, knitting and murder?

[A few characters are lazing around the roots of the oak tree in its round, brick flowerbed in the middle of Curiosity Quarter, enjoying the sunshine. Conversation is disjointed and sluggish.]

[Weft's voice drifts down from the treetop]: ...the main character is a woman called Kelly, and she's investigating her aunt's death while at the same time learning to knit with her old knitting circle. It's gripping. The wool and silks are all lovingly described. I wish Mutt would read it faster.

Suitov: [turns a page of his own book, which contains maps and diagrams and no murder mystery]

Basaltine: Romance, gossip, knitting and moidah? If there wasn't a dog in it, Weft, it'd be tailored for you.

Weft: Well, I think Carl will be the next victim. Or he's the killer. [pause] I want to know how it ends. I don't want it to end. It's so well written and really exciting.

Suitov: I've noticed the writer has a tendency to repeat things over and over in concurrent paragraphs, and then say them again in dialogue.

Basaltine: So that's why Weft can understand it.

Weft: I think she'll end up falling for the annoying, incredibly handsome man who keeps helping her in her investigation.

Suitov: There'd be a novelty.

Siri: [finally stirs herself to speak] You like annoying, handsome men, Weft?

Weft: Not in real life.

Basaltine: [rolls over with a grunt]

Siri: Ah...

Suitov: [scribbles three-dimensional notes]

Basaltine: [begins to scratch his side but is too lazy, so that a hind leg wavers around in the air for a few seconds before returning to the ground]

Green: Do dragons knit?

Nico: Not sure... but I knew one who liked to crochet lace, so, why not?

The only crime novel I remember hearing of that involved wool prominently is, er, title of Glenkill, I think. It's about sheep trying to figure out who killed their shepherd.

Weft: I could teach you.

Green: [ignores Weft's non-sequitur, as it clearly wasn't answering the question she asked] Do dragons knit?

Weft: I don't know.

Suitov: Verdict on the outcome of the murder mystery?

Basaltine: Don't ask me. Pink frilly stuff is boring. I'm waiting for den to start reading The Line of Polity. Explosions in spaaaace.

Weft: I never suspected - you know, the person who turned out to be the murderer. It was a real twist.

Suitov: You're charmingly uncynical. [notebook pageturn]

Weft: I am not. I have zero optimism for human nature.

Basaltine: How 'bout part-human nature?

Siri: Heh...

Suitov: [strikes up a small spell once or twice, then:] Out of all the alternatives, I thought it was an uninspired choice. There could have been a far nastier and more amusing twist. And all those whom the main character immediately, instinctively trusts turn out to be trustworthy. Quite baffling.

Weft: You're just jaded.

Suitov: [actually looks up this time] Not as frequently as I'd like.

Green: I thought there would be more skins.

Basaltine: Do dragons knit scale mail?

Green: Dragons have scales.

Weft: The love interest was unresolved, though... I wonder if there's a sequel?

Suitov: Mutt doesn't think she could stand a sequel unless the writing improves.

Weft: We already knew He has no taste.

Basaltine: Yay simulpost!

Weft: Ugh, sheep? Lanolin, ewwwwww!

Pasht: *wrinkles her pert nose* Sheep are vile creatures, to be avoided wherever they or their offal chances to exist.

Jaina: I am so giving you two wool gloves sometime. *eyes Weft and Pasht*

Pasht: Try it and get lingerie in return.

Jaina: *blush*

Pasht: *leer* I win.

Weft, from tree branch [sounding... amused?]: Animal shavings itch my dainty fingers.

Basaltine: [snorts]

[Suitov vanishes his book, just in case.]

Nico: So insects are not animals now?

Weft: No, they're insects, and I've never seen one be shaved.

Suitov: In equatorial rainforests one can come across what appears to be an undulating, cream-coloured fur rug. I advise against sinking your hands into it, however inviting, because it is, or rather they are, alive and hugely poisonous. Caterpillars. Hairy caterpillars.

Siri: Aww, sweethearts!

Green: What's longjerey?

Nico: Well, in this here planet my writr is on insects count as animals. Just for your information.

I don't think I've seen one shaves, but some seem ahiry enough.

*looks at Green for a bit* It's pretty underwear.

Weft: *shrug* Only depending how you file them. We have... um, in order, from least to greatest worth, it's animals, insects, birds, fish and people. You can argue about whether fish should come before or after birds.

Green: Ohhh. (*to the world at large*)