Dialogue 1

You'll have to excuse him. He's very young here. (Reposted word-for-word from the old boards to stop myself from changing all of it! July 2003. Really quite Brust-influenced, though I don't think I noticed how much at the time.)

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"....I have heard of only a few families in this area with the sight, and in those it was always passed down through the women. You are certainly the only male I've ever seen with it. If you'd asked my grandmother, she'd have said it was impossible."
"There you go again, casting aspersions on my manhood."
"There you go again, being facetious."
"I most humbly beg your pardon."
"Well. I may be induced to forgive you."
"How can I win back my lady's favour?"
"Hmm. You may continue to rub my neck for now; I might require you to slay a few dragons later."
"For you, most gracious lady, I would willingly slay a thousand."
"Be careful; I could come to believe you actually mean that."
"And what would be so terrible about it, if I did?"
"Well, for a start, I haven't got a thousand dragons."
"And if you had, they would be hopelessly entranced by your loveliness and would forget how to bite."
"And no doubt they would do nothing but sit at my feet and gaze soulfully at me, and I have quite enough of that from you."
"Now it is you that slays me, o cruel mistress."
"Poor boy."
"A boy, am I now?"
"Until you learn to endure a little teasing like a man. Aha, I really must teach you to block; I can see your every reaction quite plainly."
"Indeed, you have the advantage of me."
"Just as I like it; but come now, you aren't trying. What am I thinking now?"
"You are thinking what a clever and handsome fellow I am; and now you are about to cuff me around the head."
"You deserved it. Now what am I really thinking?"
"You are... ah. You are thinking of a shopping list."
"Can you see what is on the list?"
"Yes, but most dresses look alike to me."
"Hah. Remind me never to shop with you."
"Because I know perfectly well that you look loveliest in none of them."
"Well! The impertinence!"
"I rather thought it was what you liked best about me."
"As if that's any excuse."
"I rather thought it was."
"The impertinent are usually knocked back hard in the end. And it's never a pleasant experience."
"Oh pshaw, only if they are not impertinent enough. I believe that sufficient bald-facedness will allow one to get away with anything."
"Do you, now?"
"Yes I do. Well, bald-facedness and being able to tell what one's opponent is thinking; that helps."
"About that..."
"What about that?"
"...the sight isn't even the greatest of your gifts, you know."
"Oh? In what other fields am I gifted?"
"Mm, I can think of one or two; the most notable being that glamour of yours."
"What glamour?"
"What glamour? Don't tell me you haven't even noticed? How like a man."
"At least I'm like a man now; that's a step forward. Tell me about glamour."
"Glamour is characterised by a powerful charming and disarming effect which acts on anyone you meet. It's innate and, as we can see, quite unconscious. All of which you know perfectly well if you are half the scholar I've been led to believe."
"Perhaps I merely wanted to hear it said in your enchanting voice; but these assassination attempts on my character have got to stop."
"Your ego can take it; in any case, as my grandmother would have put it, you were blessed by the fairies. If blessed is the word."
"Not the word I would have used. And there's no way to turn it off?"
"I never heard of one. You know, it is considered very bad luck indeed to show ingratitude to the fairies."
"Two figs for the fairies. They never asked me if I wanted their gifts."
"It isn't their way. Would you rather your presence elicited distrust and dislike, then?"
"It seems like cheating, that's all."
"A conscience is an unforgivable shortcoming in a nobleman. Some people are born hale, others sickly, some rich, others poor. It isn't meant to be fair. Failing to make the most of your advantage helps nobody."
"Hmmph."
"By which you mean that you are still uneasy about some perceived unfairness in the possession of yet another natural advantage; I haven't quite convinced you; but you will probably go off and think about it until you eventually realise I am right. You always did insist on over-thinking things."
"Perhaps."
"A mind of one's own is another trait inexcusable in a noble."
"Hah."
"Besides, glamour is nothing as simple as being universally liked; it carries drawbacks of its own."
"Such as?"
"You'll find out for yourself, I daresay."
"By which you mean that you won't help me."
"I fear you are cross with me."
"As if I could remain cross with such a charming creature. Are you sure it isn't you that has the glamour?"
"Not with most people."
"I can't believe it."
"What, that not everybody is so foolishly bedazzled by whatever small merits I may possess?"
"If anyone dares to say you aren't the most perfect being on this shaded earth I shall turn him into a mole."
"And why a mole, pray?"
"Because he is obviously blind."
"Then for the sake of the fields hereabouts, I hope you are jesting."
"Try me."
"Exasperating boy. Sometimes I don't know whether to kiss you or cut my wrists."
"Ah, don't say that. They're such pretty wrists. And so eminently kissable."
"Oh, stop that."
"By which you mean, don't stop."
"Ah? So the pupil isn't quite a dunce, after all."
"He is, but only in comparison with his teacher."
"Sycophant."
"Vile temptress."
"Knave. I'll make you take that back."
"Do so, then."
"I will, then."
"Ooof!"
"Surrender!"
"Never!"
"Surrender - eek! - and I'll spare your life."
"Never. Oh, all right then."
"And let that be a lesson."
"It is true, I have learned a few things."
"Tolerably quickly."
"Notably, that you are ticklish–"
"Eek! A counter-attack! And after you surrendered, treacherous cur. Well, take that, and..."

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(It doesn't get any better from here on, I'm afraid.)