Miscellaneous stuff.

Two short fantasy story bits here, both humorous but fairly different in theme and setting. I'll post more parts later.

If you have comments or anything, feel free to put them under this heading.

I will personally... uh, write a sycophantic poem... for anyone who will draw for me a crinos cicada.

And I like the way you handle the Hellizens. "Cool!"... *g*

*re-reads again*

Smashing! =D

Trivia time, again.

The characters in the latter story are all part of my old guard, randomnly thrown in a semi-canonical storyline involving, well, Hell and Heaven. I admit it's a fairly Good Omenish type of setting. But it's fun, so I don't care.

Grey, the hero, is a time-travelling English professor and part-time magician. He's polite, rather down-to-earth, and I'd swear he was at least partially British even though I've never established quite where these things are set on the map.

Imp is a free-thinking, capable young demoness out to carve her niche in the cruel, cold world filled with strange and curious objects like lamp posts, lifts and streetlights.

The Prince of Darkness is... a gentleman.

Beliagor the Demon Lord takes himself and his job a bit too seriously. He's medieval like that.

Grey's unfortunate petunias have never been named. I suggest we call the still-living one Agatha.

Posted another part!

*reads second part*

My spelling iz pasteded on yay!

Zenykins be the village genious of Writerville.

*grovels*

XD Oh man, how does Grey find himself in these situations...

No grovel! O.o But thanks, though! One tries one's best. ^.^

I think most of Grey's problems can be attributed to opening the front door. It's historically been the patented opening for almost every story of this type I've scribbled down. He'd stop, but it could be theoretically be the milkman or something and he doesn't want to appear rude... or, well, insane.

"I'd open the door but I'm frightened it'll be the martians or demons or the floating illusionist with creepy eyes or the Illuminati again."

That entire sobering up thing was a deliberate nod toward Good Omens, just in case anybody is wondering. I added it once I had decided that I absolutely want Weed From Heaven in somehow.

Anyhoo, yet another part is now up. It's getting a bit longish, so I'll try to wrap this up within two or three parts.

I was wondering. And I lubbles it!

And another one. Two more to go, max. Then you'll be rid of it.

"Jophiel was sorry about the small animals and, at least in theory, didn’t condone extramarital relations unless there was virginal birth and an angelic visitation involved, especially if he himself got to do the, uh, visitation."

Mwahahaha!

A Matter of Perspective is now complete, with the two final parts posted! Yay! Whee! Woo!

Though I still can't spell!

Thanks. ^.^ It isn't that good, surely. Every time I read it I spot more things I would want to fix. Like those glaring typos.

Now I need to learn how to wiki.

I can fix typos if you give me a nod.

And I liked it especially 'cause the celestials were real.

And will we be seeing this in Elfwood?

Ooo. Free editing. *gives a nod and is grateful* I can see the typos there. They're sneering at me. What I'm really concerned about is awkward phrasing, structural errors or translation gaffes - Finns in my experience tend to have trouble differentiating "self-conscious" and "self-aware", for instance. I don't know how many goof-ups of this variety end up in my stuff.

Also, Jophiel really shouldn't have three pairs of wings. It's very unarchangel-y (un-archangelic?).

And I don't know about Elfwood. I could send it up.

(I have no idea what the Elfwood regulations are in regards to copious Heavenly drug use. "Satan", though, is a good traditional Christian name and nobody should disagree with it. ^.^)

Elfwood has some really weird standards when it comes to drug use. *g* And you can say Satan. Hell (pun not intended), I guess it depends. I shall have to contemplate this.

We could call it "Reefers from Heaven" and make people think it's allegorical. ^.^

"Is this stuff, like, weed?"
"No, it's what God was smoking when he thought up the ostrich, the platypus, and the shoe-beak."

I don't think it states anywhere in the Bible how many wings archangels have. However, there are creatures with three pairs of wings. See Ezekiel... something. It's right before he gets hot coal on his lips. (Don't worry, folks, it's only a vision!)

"With two [wings] he covered his face, with two he covered his feet and with two he flew. And he cried 'Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD of hosts.'"

There's some stuff in Revelation I think. And elsewhere - I think possibly near wherever the "ooh how have the mighty fallen, son of the morning" (paraphrased) happens, there's descriptions that some people interpret as ranks of angels - Thrones, Powers etc. Without studying too much in-depth, I'm inclined to favour the alternative theory, that these are human powers or kingdoms and that the angel theory is a slightly dodgy extrapolation...

Erin is the one to ask about this.

The six-winged guy in Isaiah is supposedly a Seraph, I think. I fudged a bit and gave Jophiel six wings because I like the looks of it. I tend to rely on existing orthodoxy when I can - thus, Jophiel is indeed an angel of the Eight Denomination of Angels and that guy who drove Adam and Eve out and all that - but, I mean, ultimately he ends up smoking weed with Satan and giggling at the mortals, so I think it's safe to say orthodoxy is kinda secondary to the story.

And he probably would be covering his face with the first pair - the wings I give my angels are large as heck and could feasibly get in each others way so as to make flying straight nigh-impossible. Covering one's eyes while flying might actually be a smart thing to do.

"Okay, Uriel, you gotta go stand inside the Sun now."
"Do I have to?"
"Yes. Yes you do. It's gonna be a relevation."
"Frack."
"Sorry."
"Okay, so lift off... that-a-way, no wait, this isn't working... steady now...whoa there...right, too many wings... gotta synchronize... almost there... almost there... oh, dear, that was close."
"Uriel?"
"Yes, sir?"
"That's not the Sun. That's New York. Stop standing on New York."
"Ooops."

(I should go check what Elfwood says about divine drug use.)

Elfwood rules concerning drug use = incomprehensible. Take this as an informed opinion. In the library, they're much more lenient than in art areas. I'm going to read this with more thought (honest...), but I do believe if you submitted it, we'd have to ask the head mod before making any decisions.

It says "Some drug usage is understandable, especially in some modern and futuristic settings. However, keep the terminology and instances of it to a minimum. Too much and too descriptive of drug use will get your story declined under the INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT category."

I have no idea what that means in relation to my story. "Minimum" is sort of relative. I think my hippieish patron archangel of artists would be somewhat less funny if he wasn't on something half the time, but on the other hand I'm always willing to compromise.

I feel it's fairly innocent and lightens the story a bit, so I'm hopeful, especially since my horror story involved laudanum abuse in a much, much more serious way. I could send it up at some time in a slightly edited form and see what people think.

"There are lessons to be drawn from hexapeds, in the realistic coordination and animation of multiple pairs of wings. Just a thought." --Suitov

Bah. Angels are too cool to take life lessons from arthropods.

It's exactly the relativeness of what's little and what's portraying drugs in a "bad" way. Which is why we tend to let the head mod make the decisions, since it's ultimately up to him anyway (unless we ask Thomas). But considering that my crack addict fae story even got MCd, this may very well pass. *g*

Zenbie, go read Candy's MC. It should give you a rough idea.

You Shall nto Pass111111

(Sorry. *eg*)

I like serpentine dragons meself, as far as multilimbic heraldic beasties go. There's also a beast that never anatomical realism sullied nor laws of physics restrained.

Way ahead of you, Wyld. I read Candy's Distorted Dreams back in the stone ages. It's a phenomenal piece of very elegant writing and should still be expanded and/or published on paper.

Dragons... ah, dragons, those jolly fire-breating jumbo jets of the animal kingdom. Everyone loves dragons, except when they sit on your wallet or pocket watch and try to defend it against invading halflings.

(I'm a wild child
come and love me
I want you!

My heart is an exile
I need you to love me
'cause I want what you do
I want you!)

Most excellent.

First part of Pacts and Portents is now up, unedited, in all its questionable glory.

With the inclusion of Satan, what I've got planned for Pacts & Portents is getting far too long and cumbersome. I'm likely to drop it for now.

"It's a plastic box! It cooks water!"

*runs away*

Indeed it is. See how Dr. Grey is all practical about it? ^.^

*cough*Sue!*cough*

He even has cool omelette-related Sue-perpowers (or Stu-perpowers).

Stuporpowers? Poor man.

Well, he kinda goes into one a lot. (He says he wants better powers, but I'm ignoring him.)

Spider! <3

Two sample bits from a short story I'm doing as stress relief, all pasteded on yay!