Clouded Hearts 1: Contact

Sankmarray: Clouded Hearts

Part One: Contact
Copyright 2009 Herm Baskerville

Alluring Swiper was the prettiest, most deadly ninja in the world. Alluring Swiper was utterly convinced of this, just as surely as ne knew pirates were The Enemy and should be wiped off the face of the ocean. It was not surprising, then, that when Alluring spotted a group of pirates docking their flying boat, ne immediately set off on the attack.

Knotting more tightly the scarves that served as a facemask, trusting ner camo-cloth outfit to keep ner hidden as ne crept through the dockside alleyways, Alluring couldn't help but feel excited. Here were real live pirates, just like they talked about at school, and Alluring was about to kill them all and be covered in the glory ne self-evidently deserved! Ne peeped around the final corner. The pirates were busy moving things around on the pier, oblivious. Alluring unsheathed ner war claws, drew a pair of radio shuriken and loosened ner sword in its velvet-leather sheath, checked ner headscarves once more, then descended on the hated enemies like a hurricane.

Two pirates were struck down by the shuriken, which were able to correct their own courses if thrown reasonably accurately. Before anyone else could react, Alluring had a third down with a knife in the back, slashed a fourth in the face with ner claws, staggering that one back into two others, and had ner thermal katana ready to deal with the rest.

For good measure, ne employed the weak psychic power possessed by all ninjas. It was just enough to make an already-surprised enemy break ranks and attack Alluring one by one. One pirate obliged by doing precisely that, while others had already begun shouting and heading back for their craft. Alluring caught the charging pirate a superficial cut, blistering skin, and followed up with a pirouetting kick to send the hapless idiot off the side of the pier with a splash.

The planks bobbed up and down underfoot as ninja and remaining pirates stared at each other. Most of them had managed to get their sonic cutlasses drawn now. "Come and get me, you stinking pirates," said Alluring. Ner blood was singing. This was much more fun than in practice!

"Stay where you are, swabs! I said hold!" came a bellow from inside the docked boat. Alluring took advantage of the moment to let fly another knife, catching a distracted pirate in the throat. Then Alluring nerself was distracted by the huge pirate that emerged.

This one was a pirate king, obviously, like the ones Alluring had heard about. If the size alone didn't give it away -- this pirate was over a head taller than the rest, even excluding the tri-corner hat, and as muscular as a killer whale -- then Alluring could not have missed the patch of long fur, clearly visible on the shoulders and all the way down the spine when the pirate king barrelled out of the doorway. That patch of long hair was known as a 'beard' and, to a cautious ninja, it meant "leave well alone".

Alluring tried a feint for the nearest crewmember, but now that they had a focus, the pirates were drawing together around their king. "Leave ner to me," the king said, and strode forward, one hand holding a sonic cutlass, the other uncoiling something iridescent that was hanging at pis hip. If that was one of those psychic whips that pirate kings were supposed to carry, Alluring realised ne might actually be in some danger.

Ne tried to manoeuvre for a better angle, but the pirates had organised now and were herding ner back. Fine, then; if this brute wanted to duel, Alluring would just have to get clever. "Come, then, and test your blade against mine," ne taunted, while throwing everything into the psychic suggestion that the pirate king drop the whip.

Instead, and most unfairly, the king actually stood forward to gain more space, growled, and cracked the whip. Alluring was spellbound for a second when the end of the thing seemed to rear up under its own power, and the tip split into eight or more malevolent tendrils. This definitely looked dangerous. A lesser ninja would perhaps withdraw here, but Alluring was after all the very best, and big or not, this was only a pirate, the very same species that Alluring's teachers always described as cowardly, superstitious criminals. What would ner clan say if they heard Alluring had run away from a pack of no-account pirates? They'd call ner meek!

"Fine, if that's the way you want it," ne hissed at the pirate king, and feinted to the left, moving to duck under the whip and deliver a killing strike. Ne wasn't fast enough -- Alluring Swiper, the most deadly and prettiest ninja probably ever, wasn't fast enough! -- and the psychic whip struck true. Alluring felt one of its tendrils touch ner neck with a feeling like white and pain and acid all up and down ner spine, overwhelming ner senses, and then ner thermal sword dropped from ner hand and ne crumpled down onto the gently rocking boards.

Ne wasn't quite unconscious; sort of drifting. Nothing wanted to move, even ner eyelids. With an effort ne could still hear what was going on, although everyone seemed to be talking from inside a giant dented oil drum.

"--w did Temple find us so accursed fast?" a pirate was asking.

Ridicccculous, thought Alluring, they think I'm the government. Ooh, bovernment movernment fovernment...

"--ush a minute," said the king's voice, circling, suspicious. Then the psychic whip struck Alluring a second time and ne took an enforced nap.



"See to the wounded," said Taupeshank, the pirate king, apprehensively scanning the dockside and the open sea. Nothing yet to alarm pis heightened senses; no avenging ninjas, no port authorities.

"Someone fetch Crimson," pe added. "The rest of you, get this junk into the boat. Anything that's not aboard in five minutes, we leaves."

Satisfied they had at least that time before the alarm was raised, Taupeshank hurried to the jetty's edge, where pis lieutenant was pulling Beigeheel out of the water. Taupe caught an elbow and helped. The crewpirate was clutching pis arm where the ninja had gashed it. The only upside was that the wound had been cauterised by the thermal blade that had inflicted it. One kick from Taupeshank had already sent the weapon itself on its way to the sea bed.

Beigeheel hadn't come off worst, though. Others of the crew were seeing to the four who hadn't got up again. Two wouldn't be getting up at all. The other two... Taupe didn't know.

How had Temple located them so quickly? Assuming they had? Simplest possibilities: a tail none of them had noticed (bad), or the ninja nation had broken their encryption months earlier than anyone had thought possible (worse). And if Temple had got wind of what they were carrying...

"One thing's fer certain," Taupe's lieutenant, Roseeye, said to pim. "We can't risk bartering for fuel now."

"Aye. We has to be in the air before anyone smells the blood."

"What'll we be doin' with that?" asked Roseeye, prodding the unmoving ninja none too gently with pis sandal.

Taupe pressed pis knuckle claws to pis lips for a second. A pirate's claws were broad, blunt and non-retractable, good for landing a heavy punch, unlike those devilish cutters ninjas had. Taupe said "Bring ner. Alive. Can't waste anything until we know what be going on."

But, seeing the mess their enemy had made of Redhand's throat, Taupe felt the same urge as the rest of them: to dump the ninja over the side and leave ner for the chum sharks.

Taupe moved aside to let pis crewpirates shift supply crates aboard and ended up just staring at the creature at pis feet. As the other of the two warm-blooded species, ninjas greatly resembled pirates outwardly; they were shorter and broader in the nose, the keel of the chest was sharper, of course the hips were different -- ninjas had no tails, and walked on the balls of their feet, unlike pirates, who walked plantigrade. Taupe knelt and pulled off the facemask. Ninjas aged subtly, but this seemed to be a young one, golden-haired, fur creamy with a hint of green.

On board, the injured crew members having been left in the care of Crimsonwrist the surgeon, Taupeshank assembled the rest of the pirates, saving the pilot's mate, who was prepping the boat for takeoff.

Taupe opened with "Ye'll notice we has a passenger." The crewpirates were already staring at the unconscious ninja.

Taupe continued, "Now, I don't be likin' this any more than any o' you. Ye're all fine, brave pirs and none of you stupid. Everyone knows 'tis bad luck to have ninjas aboard. Ye've all heard what they can do. I wouldn't be endangerin' me crew if there were an alternative."

"Exactly why can't we..." began Burgundy, the pilot.

"Kill ner?" supplied Taupeshank. Pe was well aware that Roseeye was thinking the same thing, even though the lieutenant, stoic at Taupe's elbow, would never have questioned pis king's orders in public. It was the obvious question, of course, and would have to be addressed. Taupe didn't think of pimself as much of a speaker; over the years pe had grown used to pis own ineloquence and the apparently unshakable habit of falling into Old Dialect when more than one set of eyes were on pim. Instead pe cultivated a reputation as a plain talker.

"Well, pirs, yer king's not going soft." Taupe cast a hard look down at the ninja that had done for three of pis crew so far. There were some growls of agreement. "But revenge will have to wait. We need to know how much the blasted ninjas know. And, of course, the cargo's the main thing. If that doesn't get home we might as well have signed everybody's death warrant."

They were shaken, but they got the point. There were no further objections; the pirate crew set to work with urgent determination. Taupeshank exchanged a look with Roseeye. Neither of them would be happy until they were safely in the sky.

At times like this, a pirate king's beard weighed heavily on one's shoulders.


The first thing Alluring noticed on waking was that ner beautiful war claws had been clipped. What barbarians would do such a thing? After that, ne noticed that ner headscarves were gone and that ne was still alive. Ner head felt even worse than it used to after one of Master Sprinter's training sessions. There was a ringing in ner ears, the room seemed to be tilted and everything was vibrating.

Alluring raised ner head. Ne was lying on a hard bed that was fixed to the floor. It turned out not to be the room that was tilted, but the end wall that curved gently away from ner, as though ne were in the hold of some kind of... oh God, no. Alluring got up, considerably less gracefully than usual, ner ears still ringing, and stretched up to see out of the single built-in window.

It was as ne feared. Outside, the afternoon sun (he ne been asleep for half a day?) shone on nothing but cloud. Not ordinary cloud, either, but the grey, swirling layer that made up the middle atmosphere. The Celestial Sea, where flying boats cruised. That put them some thousand metres above sea level; Alluring couldn't remember, not having paid much attention to lessons about something ne never intended to see. The implication, though, was obvious: ne was in the pirates' flying boat. Ne was a captive, a prisoner. What would they say back home? This was so embarrassing!

The shock seemed to have cleared ner head, or mostly. There was still that ringing in ner ears. Now Alluring thought about it, it was really more of a jingling. Ne reached up to scratch ner chin and ner fingers found something unexpected. There was some kind of gadget locked around ner neck on a band or collar. That was what was making the noise. Alluring twisted, pulled at it, even scrabbled at it with ner poor mutilated, blunted war claws.

"That's an Electric Bell," said a distantly familiar voice. Alluring looked up sharply. The pirate king was sitting on a bench, separated from Alluring by several metres and a workmanlike set of bars. "Lets me know where you are. Don't fidget. Wearer can't remove it."

Alluring tugged at it once or twice more for show and eyed the king. Ne had noticed pis size before; in this small cell room pe seemed to fill the space completely, which was not only a matter of broad shoulders and muscular limbs. Pe was clearly master of this aircraft, accustomed to giving orders and being obeyed. Not glamorous, however, not by any stretch of the imagination. The king had sun-beaten, even swarthy skin, large brown eyes and a pirate's aquiline nose, dark lips and a lightly furred chin.

Pis fur, where it grew in areas more or less the same as ninjas', was a dark apricot colour. Alluring could see the beginnings of pis beard growing over pis shoulders and disappearing down pis back. It was salt-and-pepper. So was the pirate's full head of hair, which was curly and... ruggedly groomed, ne thought. 'Windswept' would have been too romantic, 'mangy' too harsh.

Pirates, like ninjas, being basically sexless, they wore and shed clothes purely on the basis of practicality. Indoors, this pirate was wearing shorts, which fit over where pis egg pouch must presumably be, and nothing else. Pe had removed the three-cornered hat and placed it on the bench beside pim. Pis short, prehensile tail hung down behind. Alluring briefly wondered how long pe had been watching ner.

What concerned the ninja most, however, was that the pirate king still had that psychic whip, now coiled around pis waist. It could have been imagination, but Alluring thought ne felt a definite sense of menace from the thing, as though it had had a taste of ner and wondered when it might get to finish the job.

"Now. Name and school," the pirate king said.

"Alluring Swiper, school of the Cloud," said Alluring. This was like in those spy dramas. Next ne would have to resist torture heroically and make a daring escape. Although... there wouldn't really be torture, would there?

"Cloud? Don't often see your lot this far sunwards."

Alluring blinked uncomprehendingly, feeling out of ner depth. Ne wished the pirate would stop staring right at ner. It was making ner feel somehow nervous, even guilty, for no good reason.

The pirate king spoke more slowly. "Who's your master?"

"Fleeting Sprinter..."

"Never heard of ner. What were you doing in port?"

Alluring hesitated. You shouldn't tell your captors details of your mission, that was obvious, so ne scowled heroically and said "That's none of your concern, pirate."

The pirate growled something under pis breath. "Why did you attack my crew?"

Which was a ridiculous question. Alluring, stung, responded unthinkingly. "Were you hatched backwards? You're pirates. I'm ninja. I wasn't aware that I needed a reason."


Taupeshank couldn't decide if this ninja was insane, toying with pim or (worst of all) genuine. The ninja was none the worse for wear, which was unfair in itself given the damage ne had inflicted on pis crew. Ne was hazel-eyed, pasty-skinned and plainly terrified despite the pathetic pouting bravado.

Taupe had entrusted to Roseeye the duty of administering the ninja's manicure. Pe had eyed the lieutenant sternly when delivering the order, just to warn pim not to have too much fun accidentally bumping their guest's head on the bulkheads. Having removed the ninja's weapons, Roseeye had left ner camo-cloth fatigues on. They were now beiged out to match the cell walls.

"Are you tryin' to tell me you attacked just because we were there?" Taupe pressed.

"Well... yes, obviously," said the ninja. "You looked distracted, I thought I could take you - what would you have done?"

Taken my crew and cargo and run, Taupe thought. This was not a typical Temple operative, even from the famously airheaded Cloud school. "How old are you?" pe abruptly asked.

The ninja's reaction told pim at once that pis suspicions were accurate. "I'm adult!" Alluring Swiper squeaked.

"Are ye?"

"Yes!"

"Only just, I'll wager. Was this yer first time out of the country?"

"No," said the ninja sulkily. Taupe waited. "Master Sprinter took me with ner on an exercise once, so not really my first," ne admitted.

"God." Taupeshank sat back. So their prisoner was just a youngster. A youngster who had downed six of pis crew before being stopped. And ne wasn't even meant to be there.

Alluring had drawn ner grooming claws. These were shorter and blunter than the war claws, located higher up the finger and not a danger, especially when being employed in displacement activity. The embarrassed ninja was running them through ner fur, in the questionable belief ninjas seemed to have that this made them less noticeable.

"Are you going to kill me?" Alluring asked after a moment.

"Why, do ye want me to?" responded Taupe, standing up and letting the coils of the whip loosen and slither downwards, its butt finding pis hand.

"N-no!" gasped the ninja and stumbled backwards to sit on the mattress against the far wall. Ner almond-shaped eyes were wide with fright.

So you want to live. That's useful. "In that case, nin, you cooperate, behave yourself and do what you're told. Understand?"

Alluring nodded, pale. "Please, what's your name?"

"Taupeshank," pe said, without pausing in coiling the whip back up.

"What are you going to do with me?" pleaded the ninja.

Taupe smiled without humour. "Well now, that depends how much of a nuisance you are. Do ye know, if I threw you out of this ship anywhere in the world, you'd have nineteen chances in twenty of hitting the water? The thing is, from this altitude, it don't make much difference, land or sea. Do ye catch my drift?"

Alluring swallowed. "Yes, T...topshank."

"Taupe, nin, Taupeshank. It's a shade of grey. Ye'll learn about those when you're older." That one went right over the ninja's head, of course. Taupe picked up pis hat, put it back on and left the brig.


On second thought, 'mangy' was not too harsh at all. Alluring rudely showed the sole of ner foot to the door before settling down to sulk.


Taupe felt no sympathy. The death toll from this young ninja's day jaunt might still increase to four before the day was out. There was also the question of believing ner or not believing ner. Taupe was inclined to the former, on the basis that nobody that young was that good at seeming that inept.

The ship's octoped flollopped past. Taupe absently patted him.

A youngster! Another complication Taupe, who still occasionally tried to pretend pe was a simple pirate, did not need.

Crimsonwrist the surgeon was up the wall. After asking if pe needed anything more, Taupe left pim to pis work and headed for the flight deck. They had simply run for open water to begin with, but would soon need a destination -- and the fuel with which to reach it. And they had to let home know what had happened.

"Lilac, raise Liberty," Taupe said as soon as pe reached the flight deck. "Have to treat all comms as compromised now."

Lilacfist, the communications technician, looked up from pis console, nodded and began the steps for raising the alert, beginning with radioing Liberty Port and asking for the nonexistent pirate Blackthroat.

Roseeye had instantly got up from the central, largest seat so that Taupe could take pis rightful place. "Crypto be damned, the old ways are the best, eh king?" pe said.

"I'd rather have both," said Taupe, settling into the king's chair and waiting. The voice from Liberty Port pe recognised as Ruddygum, a bright young operator who had cut pis teeth as part of Taupe's crew. That was good news.

"Liberty Port to the Errant Buoy, Blackthroat here," Ruddygum broadcast.

"Liberty, this is Errant Buoy. Blackthroat, you old scalawag, how are you? I'd heard you lost your voice!"

"Ha ha! Me? Who told you that?"

"Oh, someone we both know. Listen, are you bringing that rum to the party? Are you going to be early or late?"

"Good question. Let me check when I'm working this week." There was silence while someone conferred urgently, then the radio crackled back. "Looks like I'll be late that evening, Errant Buoy. I'll let you know, all right?"

"Loud and clear, Blackthroat."

"Safe journey, Taupe," Ruddygum added before signing off.

Taupeshank sat back. "Well, you heard it, pirs," pe said. "Take the long way home and don't call them, they'll call us."

"Couldn't they even send some air support?" Roseeye asked in disbelief.

"Not without attracting more attention."

"I blame them blasted scientists," growled Roseeye.

"At least Liberty seemed to be taking the problem seriously," said Lilac.

Taupe stood up again and tapped in the new course over the navigator's shoulder. "They're taking it, and that's enough for me. Let's eat," pe said.

That reminded pim that they had an extra, unwelcome mouth to feed. Pe set off for the galley.

The ship's cook looked up from peeling water potatoes to greet Taupe. Pis name was Gingerbeard and pis eventful history could be surmised from a glance at pim. Not only was pe almost as big as Taupeshank, but tufts of that eponymous ginger hair also still grew here and there on the cook's back.

Gingerbeard was an ex-pirate king and the reason for pis deposal was also plain to see: an eyepatch covered where one grey eye used to be. This was the tragedy of becoming a king: more than your strength or your roar, your crew relied for their lives upon your exceptional senses. A one-eyed king was easy pickings for an up-and-coming challenger and could lose ship, crew and hormonal primacy, like Ginger had, over a single unlucky injury.

Many thought it unlucky to have a former king aboard. Taupe had no time for that superstition -- for superstition it was, despite the occasional justification about mutiny risk or divided loyalty. An old sky rover like Ginger could have found no peace back at home port; besides, Taupe would growl when asked, not everyone could make kelp taste good. Taupe paid pim close attention and had never seen any sign of ambition. Ginger actually seemed to prefer cooking -- and on days like this, Taupe thought pe was definitely onto something.

"God knows what I be supposed to feed ner. What do ninjas eat?" Gingerbeard asked, waving the peeler around.

"Same things as we do. Give ner some fish and dulse or something. Prison rations. Nothing fancy."

"Aye. We don't want ner deciding to move in," Ginger agreed.

"Definitely not. And you don't need telling, no sharp metal or glass."

"Oh aye. Plastic all the way. I know the routine." The cook winked. Or so Taupe assumed.

After eating, Taupeshank beckoned Roseeye over for a groom. This hour of relaxation, an essential element of a pirate troupe's routine, reinforced social bonds and status as well as providing time for casual chat.

As if to prove the importance of a good groom, even ninjas had some kind of equivalent practice. Probably gave it ritualistic overtones, knowing them. Lacking a ninja's specialised claws, pirates reverted to their natural tool-using state: brushes, combs and the occasional tooth for a nasty tangle.

There was the usual jostle among the crew to groom Taupeshank pimself. Pe generally left the intricate hierarchies to work themselves out, only turning and snapping if anybody yanked pis hair. For the most part, Taupe only brushed Rose. When you groomed someone as your second-in-command, you did literally that.

Roseeye managed fairly well with one artificial hand. Pe had lost the original defending pis king in a skirmish with rivals who, unfortunately, had had sonic cutlasses too. The replacement, from Prosthetic Extremities of Galgos, was the best Taupe had been able to afford. Nevertheless, the skin of Rose's left wrist, where the limb joined, often got sore and needed careful attention.

Conversation tended to drift during a groom. Today, though, there was only one topic on anyone's mind.

"All very well telling us to sail home by the back currents -- which means the Endemic this time of year, blast it all -- but what if that ninja spreads ner devil disease in the meantime?"

Everyone knew ninjas carried a virus that sent pirates mad. This, like some other piratical superstitions, was grounded in fact. Pirates feared nothing more.

"I know," said Taupe. "I know. All we can do's be careful."

Roseeye was squat in the way that compressed springs are squat. Pis hair was wiry like wires are. Taupe worked a few knots through with a brush.

Pe added "Don't worry. If anyone can get us through the Endemic Sea the wrong side of summer, it's Burgundy."

"True enough," grunted Roseeye, whom pe'd caught in a particularly pleasurable spot beneath the shoulder blade.

"Be keepin' an eye out fer each other," Taupe told the lot of them. "If there's any funny business, I hears about it right away."

"Aye, king," Rose murmured comfortably. The rest of the pirates echoed pim.

"And don't be afraid. There's nothing ne can do while Belled and caged."

"Mmm. Shoulder, please," Roseeye said, making an exaggerated scratching motion. Taupe responded. After a while pe turned to present pis back to Rose. The hangers-on lost interest and started combing each other instead. They wouldn't attempt to groom Taupe's face or neck. Only kings were allowed to do that.


A different pirate came to bring Alluring's breakfast and clean the trays. After waking up several times from the noise of the ship or the monstrous Electric Bell, Alluring had spent the early hours trying to remember all ne'd learned about Libertalia and its inhabitants.

Pirates, the shipboard ones especially, are highly superstitious cowards, Modest Scrabbler had told them. Nowhere is that clearer than in the barbaric sea-god they call...

Alluring was seated in a meditation posture close to the bars by the time the pirate came through the arch into the outer room of the prison. "I am an emissary of Isthmus," ne announced without preamble.

"No," said the pirate, "seriously?"

"Um, yes. Yes, I represent the great Isthmus. For Isthmus has been testing you and pe has found you worthy."

"Well, I be glad to hear that," said the pirate, clasping pis hands and looking at the ceiling.

"Right. Rejoice, pious pirate, for you will be blessed." Alluring made a hand motion that might, for all ne knew, signify blessings. "Just let me out of this cell that I might descend and speak with the great Isthmus..."

"Just one thing I be wondering," said the pirate. "Since when has the capital and major outfacing port of Galgos started blessing people?"

Alluring froze.

"Ye may've been thinking of Ishmethit, our name-for-god-at-sea," the pirate said helpfully. "It might interest ye to know that God as Ishmethit is actually a she. Female, like the Galgothians. Well, half of them."

Alluring tucked up ner knees, dropped ner head on top of them and groaned.

"Don't be like that. It was a good performance, with the hand-wavin' an' all."

Sympathy from a pirate was about as much as Alluring could stand. Ne had never placed highly in sociogeography. The ninja, now bright red, tapped into ner weak psychics and tried to project risibility and lack of threat. It was about the best ne could hope for.

"You going to eat, little emissary?" asked the pirate, too cheerfully for Alluring's liking. Alluring accepted breakfast, being sure to touch pis hands while doing so, and then spent half an hour scowling at it.


As Taupeshank left pis cabin that morning, one of the cargo hurried up to pim. Taupe set pis teeth. The two pirate scientists were under firm instructions to keep to themselves, in their comfortable converted cargo hold with their nice specimens and lovely databanks. Unfortunately, Libertalia's attitude to academics being that they must above all be free to speak their minds, the biologists had not quite got the hang of the chain of command.

Chalktail might be among the finest minds Libertalia had hatched in a generation, which to Taupe simply meant pe was exceptionally prone to viewing orders more as suggestions, then getting enthusiastic about other things and forgetting them altogether.

"Taupeshank, scuttlebutt says you have a ninja in the, er, the brig?" Chalktail said brightly.

Blast. Taupe had hoped they wouldn't get wind of that. Should have given clearer orders.

"It would be immeasurably useful to our work if we could take some samples from ner," the short, eager Chalktail continued.

"That isn't a good idea," Taupeshank told pim.

"Oh, but king, think of the benefit to science--"

"Chalk. Do you follow politics much?" Taupe asked.

"I--do we--no, not particularly. A prejudiced mind--"

"Well then, Chalk, let me bring you up to speed." Pe observed as the impatient scientist prevented pimself from interrupting. Taupeshank said "We are in serious trouble. If Temple got wind of our cargo, which is you and whatever you've brought back from Galgos, they would blast the Buoy out of the sky and pee on the wreckage. They would then invade us. If that happens, the other dry powers will do exactly squat to help.

"We don't want Temple to get wind of our cargo.

"Now, we are out in the open halosphere, surrounded on every side by enemies and don't-cares, fuel is sickeningly low after yesterday, Liberty has broken radio contact, and in the middle of all this, you want me to let you do medical experiments on a prisoner of war."

"Oh," the biologist said. "When you put it like that..."

"Yes."

"So, just to be clear, that's a no, then, is it?"

"Aye, it's a no, you myopic landweed!"

"All right! No need to be so formal!" Chalktail wandered off disappointedly after the briefest of submissive dips.

Taupeshank considered the likelihood that pe would be obeyed on this point and had begun mulling over possible ways to make sure when the nearest communications tube whistled the King's Whistle. Taupe pulled it down and spoke into it.

"We coming up to Isthmus, Burgundy?"

"Aye, king. Range in ten minutes."

"I'll be there." Taupe made for the flight deck, and twelve minutes later was deep in radio conversation with the Galgothian mainland.

Taupeshank had always rather liked Galgothians. The scaled folks, semi-aquatic by nature and possessing two sexes, had the distinction of being the most medically advanced of the four land-owning powers on this wet world. Libertalia, the youngest and weakest of the nations, could not afford to alienate them. But Galgos, which was deep in a profitable relationship with the ninjas of Temple, could not afford to deal with the fledgling pirate nation directly.

Pirate nature being what it was, Libertalia got around this problem with subterfuge.

"Aye, that's right, Isthmus. We're but a small scientific vessel, low on funds as well as fuel." Taupe looked up from the radio console, caught Roseeye's eye and grinned.

The Galgothian voice, female, hissed very politely in response. "That's as may be, Errant Buoy, but you realise we aren't a charity well. Don't you have anything you could trade?"

"Well, a little chronometric equipment... some lenses... er..." Taupe pressed a finger to pis lips, miming absent-minded cataloguing. "Oh! We do have a selection of mineral samples. Ours are mainly optical experiments, you see; lased light..."

Port Isthmus was quiet for a while. Then she said "We may be able to reach some kind of arrangement. Come in on Strait Three, Errant Buoy."

"Understood. Errant Buoy out." Taupe relinquished the mouthpiece. "Same rigmarole every time," pe said. "Rose, go and get the sack of rubies, will ye?"

The refuelling, with one thing and another, took the bulk of the daylight. Every delay gnawed at Taupeshank's nerves. As they struggled into the air again, the king strode into the engine room, startling two crewpirates who were playing histjack.

"Carry on, pirs," Taupe growled distractedly. Pe rummaged in the waste tray of the desalinator and took a cube of dry salt.

The continuing conversation caught pis ear. "And you'll never guess what ne did this morning -- ne only pretended to be an emissary of Ishmethit. Only ne said Isthmus by mistake. An emissary of Isthmus!"

"Ye're a liar," said the other, switching dice on pim.

"'Tis true, I swear it!"

"Why didn't you tell me this?" Taupeshank put in.

The crewpirate shrugged. "Didn't seem important. It was such a pathetic trick. Sort of sweet, really."

"Not really. Next time, tell me," Taupe said, and walked out. Pe licked the salt cube absently on the way to the galley, where pe lifted a lime from the barrel and liberated most of a bottle of agave.

Pe sat, licked the cube, took a swig, bit the lime as though it was personally responsible for everything, and contemplated a pirate's semi-abusive relationship with alcohol.

"Tough day?" asked Gingerbeard, gutting fish.

"Ye could say," Taupe croaked. "How's the prisoner behaving?"

"Quiet as a minnow. Ye scared ner good."

"Good! Just stay alert. Ne's less harmful, not harmless."

Tento showed up just then, hoping for scraps. Ginger threw him some fish guts. The octoped reared up to knee height on four of his legs and caught the wobbly morsel with two of the others, before conveying it to his central mouth with a blurble. Tento was a happy soul but not a great conversationalist; his vocabulary consisted of tentacle-slapping and various gaseous noises. Ginger scratched him between his triangular-pupilled eyes.

The comms tube whistled. Taupe sighed, stoppered the alcohol and stood up. "Day's not over yet," pe said. "That'll be Burgundy. We're coming up on the Endemic."

Within minutes Taupe was standing on the flight deck, looking out at the swirling surface of the halosphere in which their aircraft 'floated'. The Errant Buoy was moving at its optimum cruising speed, its engines on a quarter power, taking advantage of the buoying properties of the halosphere to keep its ship-like hull afloat -- a net saving that far outweighed the cost of the increased drag, at least at low speeds.

The Endemic Sea was well outside the main shipping lanes, which of course suited the crew of the Errant Buoy on this occasion. However, the reasons this was the less-travelled route lurked just beneath the cloud-like surface: giant roots by the thousand, roots of the strange plants that grew, spawned and died up here in the halosphere, never seen by the sea creatures six or seven kilometres below, except on the odd occasions when a sickly plant might break away from the tangled root system and tumble to the water below, startling tuna.

Here and there the leaves themselves broke the surface, dark green blushing in places to a deep, blood red, while a few night birds zipped between them or hunted among the roots. If the sky fowl dove too far in search of the smaller, tastier members of the food chain, they would fall below the bottom surface of the halosphere and have to beat their wings furiously in the thinner air to bring themselves back up. It was an entire ecosystem completely independent of the world below: a miracle of evolution.

"Devils take it all," Roseeye muttered.

Taupe turned to the pilot and pilot's mate. "Burgundy, Chestnut, are ye up fer this?" pe asked. Burgundyknuckle nodded and even showed a tooth fearlessly. Chestnutchest, some years Burgundy's junior, looked a little pale in the face but nodded too.


Alluring had been peeking out of the brig whenever one of the pirates passed. Ne didn't like the redheaded cook and ne definitely didn't like the short, muscular pirate with the fake hand who acted like pe was second-in-command. Ne had seen others pass by without forming any guesses as to their jobs.

Alluring wouldn't have admitted it, but ne was curious to catch another glimpse of the king, Taupeshank. Ne had never seen anything like Taupeshank before. Certainly pe was frightening, but pe hadn't really hurt ner. Not unless you counted clipping ner claws.

The ninja was seated on the mattress, craning ner head to see whose tread was approaching, when the king pimself entered the brig. Pe was quite as impressive as Alluring remembered, this time wearing snug breeches and a light open shirt and carrying a few leaves of paper. No whip, thank God. Pe sat on the bench, taking pis time.

The two sized each other up for a moment. Alluring found ner heart was beating a little quickly with the suspense of not knowing what Taupeshank wanted.

"Are ye behaving yerself?" the pirate demanded.

"Yes, Taupeshank," Alluring said quickly.

"Cell comfortable enough?"

"Yes..." Alluring paused.

"Well, out with it, nin."

"It's... this thing on my neck, the Electric Bell. It's really annoying and it stops me sleeping and..."

"It stays."

There was clearly no argument. Alluring hung ner head and considered for a moment. "Where are we?" ne asked.

"Heading for Libertalia."

"Liber--" Alluring jumped right to the edge of panic and teetered there. "What happens to me when we get there? Will they torture me? Kill me?"

"I doubt it," Taupeshank said, looking as though this was not the answer pe would have preferred. "Most likely ye'll be transferred to the cells there and be put in a prisoner exchange program."

"Prisoner exchange...?"

"Where we trade with Temple for low-priority prisoners."

"Low priority?" said Alluring.

"Yes. Youngsters, non-combatants, wounded and elderly." Taupeshank's brown eyes looked right into ner own. "Non-threats."

Alluring opened and closed ner mouth. Several outraged responses had collided on their way out, leaving ner speechless.

Taupeshank said "Which is better news than you deserve. You'll be going home."

"Shipped home as a prisoner?" said Alluring.

"O'course."

"But that's awful!" wailed the ninja.

"If ye'd prefer to die..."

"No! No. But you don't understand. I'll be snubbed. Dishonoured. My social life will be over. The others will call me harmless! Meek! When it gets out that I couldn't even..." Ne stopped too late, aware of overstepping the mark.

"Couldn't even kill a few smelly pirates?" Taupeshank filled in.

Alluring shrank back, chewing ner lip to work up a few tears. Ne said "King Taupeshank, I'm really sorry I attacked your crew."

The pirate stared at ner. Just stared. Alluring, always given to romantic imagination, felt as though those big brown eyes were reaching into ner very soul. The wordless moment stretched out, second after second, until Alluring was sure ne would have to break the tension by looking away.

And then Taupeshank said "No you aren't. You're regretting it because you're scared, you're personally inconvenienced and your friends might say cruel things behind your back. I doubt you know what sorry means."

Alluring really didn't want to admit that pe was right. Ne cast around for a change of subject and spotted the printouts. "Is it true that pirates are all literate?" ne asked.

"Yes," said Taupeshank. "It's only ninjas who aren't."

Alluring did vaguely remember being told Galgothians and Khybars were given to reading and writing too. Ne was so used to considering it menial work, which any civilised ninja would pay other people to do, that this seemed very strange.

Suddenly it seemed there were endless things Alluring wanted to ask. "How old are you, Taupeshank?" ne said.

The pirate twisted pis neck and raised a shoulder with an audible cricking noise. "Can't stay chatting all day. Behave yourself," pe said, standing and leaving.

Curses. Alluring still hadn't managed to touch pim. The pirate was too cautious. Alluring stood too, took hold of the bars and watched Taupeshank leave, even taking a step to the side to keep pim in view for a second more.

Taupeshank was magnificent, when it came down to it. Those sturdy legs--masterful, sure-footed gait--the short prehensile tail and strong arms... and then there was that mane, that beard, rippling down pis back like a black-and-white waterfall. Alluring wondered what it would be like to run ner claws through it. War claws, obviously, to kill. Not grooming claws. Never that.

And to top it all off, pe had a brain to match. Pe certainly saw right through Alluring. Oh yes, King Taupe was impressive.

Alluring simply had to defeat pim.

Other than a cold supper brought by the cook, whom Alluring found nerself comparing Taupeshank, unfavourably on every count, the ninja was left alone for the rest of the day. Ne assumed there would be no further amusement until tomorrow.

On this occasion ne was wrong. Taupeshank strode in as ne was curling back up to sleep. Alluring felt a brief twitch of fear, as though the king could have found out...

Taupeshank rapped pis knuckle claws against the bars. "Come, Alluring Swiper. You're about to see something very few ninjas have ever seen."

Pe ignored all questions. It was sheer curiosity, mostly, that made Alluring yield to being handcuffed and hurry jingling along the walkway in the king's wake.

Taupeshank stopped at a reinforced door. Beyond it, before the next identical door, was a small chamber, enough to squeeze a handful of pirates. Alluring had just started to wonder why anyone would fit a double set of doors when Taupeshank opened the outer one--and all the air in their tiny space tumbled away. Outside was fading sunset and incredibly loud winds.

"I can't breathe!" Alluring gasped.

Taupeshank said, "We're high up. You can survive for a little while. Sun's not strong enough now to burn you. You don't want to miss this."

They were out at the front of the aircraft, where an outer deck curved around, following the shape of the hull, extending forward in a pointed bow. Behind them was the reinforced window protecting the flight deck. It must afford an excellent range of visibility, but just now it was impossible to look inside; everything was spray-painted gold and peach by the sun as it dipped beneath the Celestial Sea on its way down to sink beneath the real one.

A few pirates were out here, leaning over the ship's rail. Panting hard, fighting a constant sensation of almost suffocating, Alluring followed Taupeshank, noticing pe kept ner well away from the rest of the crew and never took pis eyes off ner.

Ne looked over the side and gasped... this time not from the thin air.

"These bloom only once every ten years, for two nights," Taupeshank said.

"They're beautiful," whispered Alluring.

The ship was passing between giant plants, huge round leaves twice Alluring's height across, floating high up on the Celestial Sea and almost black in the light of the setting sun. In between them, lovely peach and pink blooms extended on stalks, patting languidly after the evening breeze. Each petal was a double heart-shape and curled at the tip. They formed a many-layered crown around the centre of the flower, where little tendrils gleamed like gold.

Taupeshank was next to ner, quite close, in order to be heard above the wind. "The orange ones will bloom again tomorrow night. The pink ones are finished now. A decade these have been waiting to give this display."

"But nobody's here to see it except us, and if we weren't here..."

Taupeshank pointed at a glittering bird as it darted around one of the orange crowns. "Those are the real audience."

The bird hove close to the centre of the flower, flapping rapidly. It landed and ducked inside. Then the unthinkable happened. The petals of the flower closed over it!

"Taupeshank, it ate the bird!"

Taupeshank laughed. Was pe heartless?

"Remember I said the orange ones will open again tomorrow night? It'll turn pink and uncurl its petals. Then the bird will fly out, covered in pollen, and carry it to another flowerhead. That's what the flowers want. That's the price they ask for a drink of nectar."

"So the bird will be all right?"

"Dusty, confused, but right as rain."

"And--and then it will be free?"

A smile curled up the king's dark lips. "Yes. It just has to be patient for a little bit."

Alluring watched the orange flower closing itself up. It looked well-fed and smug. "Well, they're beautiful, anyway."

Ne looked sideways for the first time since catching sight of the flowers. Two unfamiliar pirates in white coats and aprons were pointing a little flashing box at the plants, chatting happily and inaudibly. Stupid pirates and their devil technology. Alluring turned back to the wonderful blooms.

A short while later, ne decided ne felt like a sit down.

"Whoa." Taupeshank, whose presence Alluring had almost forgotten, caught ner by the arm. "It's back inside for you, nin."

"Pretty," Alluring thought ne muttered.

"Aye, nin, if you say so." The king steered ner into the locky doory thing. Not as much wind in here. Windy blowy wind. Windswept, that was what Taupeshank looked like. Alluring drifted along happily, supporting pim by the arm. Either that or pe was holding Alluring's arm. Maybe it was both. Yes, that would be pleasantly symmetrical.

Ne was feeling a little more awake by the time they reached the cell door. Alluring nuzzled ner cheek charmingly against Taupe's broad shoulder, just to make sure--ne knew pe wouldn't resist in ner obviously impaired state--then stretched out on the bed and sighed.

"Thank you," ne said with closed eyes. But the king had already locked the cell door and started off. Alluring wasn't sure if pe heard.


Taupeshank wasn't even sure why pe had done that.

Still, the fact was that there wasn't much to do but enjoy the flowers. "Pretty" the decennial lilies might be, but until they came clear of them, which required patient navigation and an occasional sortie with billhooks, the Errant Buoy was going nowhere fast.

Pe spent an unrestful night, one ear always pricked in case someone whistled for pim, and was up before dawn, pacing the passageways. They finally cleared the lily platelets at sea-level sunrise. Taupe returned to pis cabin and had just got fifty-nine minutes' shuteye when the King's Whistle woke pim up again.

There was no need to ask if it was urgent. Taupe's flight deck crew had been carefully conditioned over the years. They were neither too eager nor too reluctant to call for pim. So he grabbed the comms tube and said "What is it?"

"Boat coming up on our draught. They look like Didsbree skywaymen," Umberhank informed pim.

"How's visibility?"

"Good."

"Hoist Disgruntled Jack. Is Rose on the gun deck?"

"Already on pis way, king."

"Good. I'm coming."

Taupeshank had pis feet on the flight deck even before the signal flag was fully raised. Disgruntled Jack meant "go away or we'll blast you".

"They're not altering course," Umberhank said. "Temple mercenaries, do you think?"

Taupeshank was already in pis place at the window, drinking in every detail of the other boat with pis unaided eyes. It was much smaller than Errant Buoy, of the snub-nosed design favoured by privateers and buccanairs. The sides were painted with rifles and skulls, among which all four species were represented--pirate skulls, though, were by far the most numerous.

"Low in the cloud as we are, and out in the middle of the Endemic? Any sky rat's going to be tempted," said the pilot Burgundyknuckle. Pe was looking too, with binoculars. "I can't make them out; looks like a..."

"Jenkwin 710 or 750," Taupeshank said clearly into the tube. "710. Looks like some custom armament."

Roseeye's voice came back to pim. "Vintage Jenkins and Winthrop. A while since I've sent one of those below."

"They've hoisted the Star!" Umberhank called, with a touch of panic that Taupe noted disapprovingly. The Star meant... well, it was always bad news.

"Ready down there, Rose?" continued the king calmly.

"Bring it two fingers a'gosh," Rose replied. The pilot obediently angled them slightly to the left.

Errant Buoy's first volley scored fiery lines just above their gunwales. The attackers returned fire.


Alluring watched, transfixed. First Taupeshank's crew would fire their laser cannons, then the others would respond. Pe didn't know who the others were, other than the aircraft didn't look like one of Temple's.

So Alluring simply watched, while pulses and flashes lit up ner eyes like fireworks at the Festival of the Dolls. Every so often ne breathed "cool!" or "boom!"

The next time a pirate came by, Alluring would have to ask pim who'd won.


It ended quickly after Roseeye scored both their near-side engines. The Didsbree bruisers set their nose down and sank smoking from the halosphere.

Thanks to Roseeye's marksmanship, the Errant Buoy had not sustained so much damage that they couldn't limp on. Having to land for the prisoner's sake because they'd lost cabin pressure would have been the final insult.

"The trouble with a morning like that is, the rest of the day don't get any more excitin'," Roseeye said over breakfast.

"You'd better hope it doesn't, you muzzlerat," Taupeshank told pim.

But there was no further entertainment for the lieutenant. Taupeshank, having consumed a small lake of coffee, pored over navigation charts as the Errant Buoy sailed unfamiliar skies on its circuitous journey home.

There was something different in the air, and pe noticed it once or twice in the interactions of the crew. It was not the early stirrings of mutiny; indeed, the pirates' spirits had been holding up well. It was just... odd.

Pe stopped by the ninja's cell and found a couple of crewmembers in there: Chestnutchest, pilot's mate, and the technician Lilacfist.

"Fraternisin' with the enemy?" Taupe growled, sticking pis head in through the door.

"Of course not, king," said Chestnut, who looked ever so slightly guilty.

"Alluring wanted to know about the battle, king," said Lilac.

"Wasn't aware you were on first name terms with the prisoner," Taupe said shortly.

Lilac blinked, frowned and cocked pis head to one side.

"King Taupeshank, is it true you've sunk more than a hundred ships?" asked Alluring somewhat breathlessly.

"Whatever they's told you, it's exaggerated," said Taupe. "Get lost, pirs. On yer way out, stop by the surgery and pay yer respects to what's left of Redhand. That's an order."

Technician and junior flier made a prompt retreat.

"Aren't I even allowed to talk to them?" Alluring asked.

"There'll be no more unscheduled visits," Taupe said, then withdrew pis head and went to make that order generally known. Alluring began to say "Taupe" behind pim, but pe ignored it.

It was time to get seriously drunk.

Pe didn't feel like being around the others; there was still that tang of wrongness in the air. Instead, Taupe chose an out-of-the-way corner in the galley in which to lurk. Gingerbeard, lightly poaching a fillet of haddock, would let pim alone until Taupe chose to speak.

After slamming back two shots, Taupe removed pis attention from the bottle. "Feeding time at the zoo?" pe grunted, nodding at the pan.

Gingerbeard, stirring a cream and spinach sauce with pis tail, nodded and countered with "Plannin' to be finishin' that all by yerself?"

"That's the idea," Taupe coughed. Then pe paused and looked properly at what Ginger was doing. "What in the name of all that's holy is that concoction?"

"Oh, it's for Alluring. Ne didn't seem to like my salmon puff pastries."

Taupe was quiet for several seconds while pe fondly imagined pe had misheard that. Finally concluding that pe probably wasn't that lucky, he asked "Arrrre you out of your mind, pirate?"

"What? King, ne looked so hungry and miserable."

"Open the tack barrel, you swab." Taupe flung down the lime and salt and carefully stoppered the alcohol, because however bad your mood, some things you didn't chuck around. Pe seized a plastic dish and plonked a biscuit in it. "And plain water. Next time ne complains, ne gets nothing. Am I being clear enough?"

"Aye," pouted the grizzled, scarred old cook.

"What is going on aboard my ship?" Taupe asked the scenery, storming out.

Voices were audible as pe approached the cells. "I dunno. It can't do no harm, right?"

"Oh, would you? This horrible thing is hurting my delicate ears. I can't even sleep for the ringing. I feel so helpless and alone."

"Poor mite. Here, keep still."

Alluring had backed up against the bars and swept ner hair to one side, presenting ner neck to the so-called guard--who was in the act of opening the combination lock on the Electric Bell.

The so-called guard was quite surprised when pis king's hand seized pim by the scruff.

Surprised, but not guilty enough, Taupe realised immediately. Pe simultaneously hooked a finger through the prisoner's collar to keep ner within reach. "What in blazes do you think you're doing?" Taupeshank growled into the pirate's ear.

Alluring started squirming, letting out little jingles.

"Unlockin' the prisoner's Bell, king," the pirate said.

"Did I tell ye to do that?" Taupe tugged warningly at the strap. Alluring fell still.

"Yea..." The pirate shook pis head a couple of times in Taupe's unyielding grip. "I can't remember. Did ye?" pe said.

"I did not. Get out of here, pirate. Go and work a shift in surgery. And as you're changing bandages, remember who carved up your mateys in the first place!"

"Yes, king." The pirate frowned and shook pis head once or twice before trotting off in the right direction.

Taupe meddled with the lock for a while. At length pe said "Combination's changed. Only I know it now." Pe released the ninja abruptly.

Alluring scooted back out of arm's reach, glowering and jingling. Ne extruded ner grooming claws and once more indulged in displacement activity. Taupe, who could out-stubborn even a bull sea-cow, settled on the bench, uncoiled pis whip and began oiling its length, occasionally glancing at the ninja's grooming without much interest.

By degrees Alluring seemed to forget about sulking and sneaked more and more frequent looks at the psi whip. Finally the ninja spoke up. "Is--is it true they're alive?" ne asked.

Taupeshank kept pis hands still. The whip stirred of its own accord; translucent, diamond-patterned coils shifted past each other. Alluring's pupils grew huge.

"They're semi-sentient," Taupe said. "Not very bright, and they only have one name between them, but you've got to be alive to have psychics."

"Only one name?" echoed Alluring.

"All they need. They certainly know enough that they don't trust scheming little so-and-sos like you. This one's taken a particular dislike."

Alluring eyed it carefully.

Taupeshank polished off the whip with a cloth, coiled it and set it aside. "And it'll be that or worse that you'll get if I catches you speaking to my crew again, or trying to remove that Bell. Don't promise. I won't believe you. Just know what'll happen."

Alluring swallowed and nodded.

Taupe held pis arm out to the whip, which climbed up it with relaxed coils. Pe cast a final look at Alluring. No, ninja, I do not trust you at all.

Pe immediately rearranged the guard shifts. Beigeheel, whose burn-scarred arm was courtesy of Alluring's thermal sword, was unlikely to trust the ninja. There were suitably dire threats against anyone who approached the cells for unapproved reasons. Taupeshank made sure cell duty was alternated with surgery shifts, just to drive the message home.

Yet there remained a strange tang to the atmosphere. After the evening meal pe was absolutely certain. A handful of pirates still clustered round their king, but now there were other dynamics too. Additional centres of attention.

"...only instead of Ishmethit, you'll never guess, ne said Isthmus by mistake!"

"Y'awwww."

"Bless."

"Unbelievable," growled Taupeshank.

"Well, ne asked me what ol' Tento was. Ye never seen an octoped before, I said? And ne said, no, what a weird kind of servant!"

"Y'awwww!"

"And I said no, he's a pet!"

"Y'awwww!"

"That's adorable."

"They've all gone bloody insane," growled Taupeshank.

"Oh come on, Taupe, it is pretty adorable," Roseeye said.

"Not you too!" the king groaned.


It was dark outside before anything interesting happened. A pirate wearing a lab apron and a furtive expression stuck pis head through the archway. "All clear, Nose," pe whispered over pis shoulder in a painfully unstealthy fashion.

"Coming, Tail," came the reply, and two pirates sneaked inside, walking on their tiptoes and with fingers pressed to their lips as though this would actually make them quieter.

Alluring assessed the pair. Unlike the others, these seemed soft, unweathered. Not as tanned. Civilian... no, what was the pirate word? Landgrubbers?

"Ahm, are you the ninja Alluring?" asked one of them.

Ne was startled that they'd needed to... oh, right, the clothes. Alluring had been sniffing pointedly at ner underarms all day, finally despairing of incredibly obvious hints and risking punishment in order to ask a pirate straight out for a change of clothing. Which meant pirates' clothing, unfortunately.

The trousers were passable, as was the waistcoat, but ne drew the line at the shirt with the neckerchee. That stayed off.

Alluring decided to go for meek and timid. "Yes, I'm Alluring. Wh-who are you?"

"I'm Chalktail. This is Chalknose. We're microbiologists."

The ninja waited for that word to shed a few syllables and start making sense.

"What that means is we study what goes on in people's bodies and how they get sick and well again."

Whatever. "Pleased to meet you," said Alluring. "Have you come to talk to me? I'm lonely."

"Actually..." They nudged each other.

"We were hoping you might be amenable to helping with our research. It would be of great benefit to science," the other pirate scientist enthused.

"Me? How could I help?"

"Oh, nothing difficult. We just need to take a little sample, if you'd be so kind. Just a tiny prick. It won't hurt." Chalk... well, one of the Chalks waved a small needle around. Alluring saw the box flashy thing hanging from a strap around pis neck.

"What is that? I saw it yesterday," ne said, pointing at it.

"A camera. Don't you people have cameras?" asked one Chalk. The other tutted fondly.

Yes, but they were twice that size and the flashes were separate. Alluring weighed options quickly and shook ner head, a bemused rustic.

"It's a light collector. It makes pictures."

"What, actual pictures?"

"Yes, look." The scientist pointed it at pis colleague. The flash went off. Pe showed the viewfinder to Alluring. Chalktail (or was it Chalknose) was overexposed and smiling stiltedly.

"Wow. There you are, in the camera," Alluring said.

"So would you permit us to take a little blood? For science?"

"I don't know..."

The other Chalk nudged the first. "After I take the sample, would you like us to take some pictures of you with the camera?" pe said.

Alluring sat forward, interested.


A new craze was sweeping the decks by mid-afternoon. Taupeshank first caught wind of it when pe noticed pirates paying more attention than was natural to paperwork. Pe lifted pis head to watch what happened.

Lilacfist the technician walked up to Umberhank with a few bits of paper. "Umber, there's a report I need you to look at," pe said.

"What?" asked Umber.

Lilac showed it to pim.

"Oh you scurvy rat, you got me again!" Umber cried and took a half-hearted swing at the technician, who skipped out, giggling.

"Umber, what was that?" Taupe asked the navigator. The other flight deck pirates were variously giving knowing smirks or looking exasperated at the immaturity.

"Oh, pe just ninja-kissed me again. For the third time!"

"Did what to you?"

"It's when you show someone one of these," said Chestnutchest, the duty pilot. Pe held up a photograph. It was a picture of Alluring, teasingly poking ner tongue out.

"And is that supposed to be funny?"

"Well, aye. It's like being ambushed by cuteness."

"Hoy, Chestnut, ye've just ninja-kissed the king."

"I have, haven't I?"

"Where'd you get the pictures?" Taupeshank interrupted, eyes closed and massaging pis temples.

"Aye... don't know. They're passing around."

"Where?"

"I--I got this one from Roseeye, king!"

"Of all the biscuit-eating--!" Taupe stormed off deck to have words with pis lieutenant.

"Doesn't pe like ninjas?" someone asked behind pim.

It took no more than a few minutes to ascertain that Roseeye was not fit for duty. Pe was discovered sitting with Chalknose, Chalktail and Gingerbeard the cook, cooing over pictures of Alluring dressed like a pirate and mugging outrageously for the camera.

Taupeshank confined them all to quarters. Pis conscience didn't even allow pim the satisfaction of bawling them out. It was becoming clear that they didn't know they were doing wrong, which meant it was someone else's fault.

The king's whip stirred nervously around pis waist. As pe walked, Taupe put a reassuring hand on it. Pity there was nobody to do the same for pim.

Pe started shouting when pe neared the cell.

"How's it work, ninja? Your nasty little disease softens their brains, does it, so your psychic tricks'll work on them? Who gave ye that cushion?" pe added.

Alluring, who was reclining on a rather wonderful kelp-green silk pillow, said "You know you all look the same to me. Do you think it brings out my eyes?"

"Come over here and I'll bring out yer eyes all right!"

"Please don't be like that," Alluring said, sitting up. "I don't actually want to hurt any of you. I just..."

"Nin," Taupe growled, "I don't give a flying monkey what you want. You've turned half my crew into gibberin' lunatics with that virus ye're carryin'. I be beginnin' to think it be time for a keelhaulin'."

"Taupe," said Alluring, gazing steadily at pim. "Let me out. Let me go."

"And don't be tryin' that psi control blather on me!" Taupe checked pis hand on its way to pis midriff. No. No, pe wouldn't lose pis temper. The damage was done. Even killing the ninja might not make anything better, and besides, the thought appalled Taupe's better nature.

Pe had no delusions whatsoever about Alluring being harmless and cute. Ne was a savage little monster. But ne was still a youngster, and still a prisoner under pis command.

Alluring was watching pim closely, ner expression unknowable. Taupe almost thought pe saw admiration there. Now that was unlikely.

"Don't try it on me," pe repeated, turning and leaving.

"Tau..." Alluring began. Taupe ignored ner.

Losing Roseeye in particular to the spreading madness had buffeted Taupeshank sideways. Rose, who had faced sky scuttlers and marauding Krakatons at pis side without flinching! A critical, fiercely individual pirate, whom Taupeshank regarded very highly, now turned into someone the real Rose would have despised. It was a deep-anchored fear shared by every pirate alive.

And pe was their king. God damn it, pe was supposed to protect them. Instead pe had brought this threat on board. Pe had exposed pis crew, companions and friends all of them, to this.

When Taupe retired to pis cabin, pe found the ship's octoped cowering under pis bunk. "You an' me alike, Tento," pe said, scratching the poor terrified thing between his eyes.

Tento spent the night sleeping inside the coiled whip.

The king's whistle woke Taupe in the early hours. "What?" pe asked the tube, already halfway into pis breeches.

"Alluring's sleeping, king. Come quick."

"What? What's the urgency?"

"Ne looks adorable!"

A furious king emerged from pis cabin, barrelled along the walkway and threw the crewpirate bodily into the second cargo hold.

Things didn't improve.

Beigeheel lasted a good part of the day before degenerating into ninja talk. Taupe locked pim up with the others. Pe segregated them into small groups and spaced them throughout the ship so there wouldn't be sufficient impetus for a mutiny, but honestly, they seemed happy enough talking rubbish at each other.

The latest craze was thinking up ridiculous captions for the scientists' photographs. This was apparently hilarious.

Pe'd already abolished the prisoner guard duties; now pe banned everyone outright from coming within twenty metres of the cells. Taupe patrolled the area pimself at irregular intervals, carting off anyone pe found in the vicinity. Pe ignored completely the ninja's attempts to get pis attention.

Thank God they were almost home. Taupe was becoming more convinced pe'd have to pilot them in singlehanded.

As it turned out, pe didn't--quite. Two flight deck crew remained coherent: the pilot Burgundy, and Umberhank on communications. Taupe sighed as they dipped below the halosphere and the mongrel, makeshift roofs of Liberty Port came into view. Almost home.

Alluring, in irons, glowered and jingled intermittently from a corner of the deck. Taupe wasn't letting ner out of pis sight.

At pis direction, Umber brought them down in Libertalian waters some distance out of port. Pustule Jack, the plague flag, fluttered from the Errant Buoy's signal mast. They hove to and waited.

Presently a tug chugged out and stopped diffidently within shouting distance.

"Got the report?" Taupe asked Umberhank. Pe yelled a few words to the harbourmaster and threw over the vinyl document case that would tell the port authorities exactly what had befallen them.

Liberty raised them on the radio a few minutes later. "I have your singular report in my hand," the operator Ruddygum said, in a tone of voice that suggested higher-ups were listening.

Taupe, for pis part, was almost weak with relief. "Good to hear it, Liberty. What shall we do?"

"Well," Ruddygum replied, "first of all, you can tell me why I'm looking at pictures of your ninja dressed up."

"UMBER!" roared Taupe. The pilot and communicator collapsed on the deck in gales of laughter.

"Back in a moment, Liberty," Taupe seethed, seizing the pair by the scruffs.

"You were never affected for a moment, were you?" Alluring remarked when pe returned. The ninja had been meek and well-behaved all morning, apparently realising--and about time--ne hadn't ever stood a chance.

"Never mind, ninny. Can't win 'em all." Taupe patted ner shoulder in passing. "You did well for your maiden outing. Ahoy, Liberty? Sorry about that. We have the boffins and their belongings safe and a single ninja prisoner. The whole of the crew has a bad case of Contact Toxoplasmosis. I've had to confine every one of them."

"God. Hold on a moment, Errant Buoy." Ruddygum cut off for several minutes. Taupe looked back at the ninja. Ne had ner chin in ner manacled hands.

"Ahoy, Taupe? I've cleared Strait Nine. Come in, dock, pop your vents and do not, aye, not open your cabin doors. We'll dart anyone who comes out unwarned."

"Aye aye, Liberty." Taupeshank fired the engines and glanced at the ninja again. Alluring was clearly fascinated by the approaching buildings, patchwork inclinations of scrap and salvage and whatever could be dredged from any accessible seabed. Liberty Port did not look affluent.

Too bad if it wasn't up to the nin's usual standards. Ne would put up with whatever Taupe told ner to put up with. Taupe knew that now. Pe had already won.

Pe pulled the Errant Buoy into a centimetre-perfect dock. Steady as a rock--no ninja could scuttle old Taupe's style. Port attendants connected concertinaing ducts to their air intakes as Taupe released the covers remotely.

"We're ready with the sleep gas," Ruddygum said. "Taupeshank, I presume you're unaffected so we'll leave the flight deck clear. Close the doors and put your air on recirc."

"Aye." Yes, that was appropriate, Taupeshank thought as pe closed the door and flicked the switch. Those weak pirates could be sent to sleep. Those failures. Not for Taupe the ignominious knockout gas and waking up in the doctor's surgery having missed the excitement. No, no. That would be unfit for a hero who had mastered a ninja. Unfit for a king.

Pe hadn't thought about it like this before, but it all made sense now. Taupeshank would swagger into port, tame ninja following obediently at pis heels with a meek jingle, and all Libertalia would know here was a king to be reckoned with.

Pe looked at Alluring. The ninja was smiling. Alluring was a nice young nin, really. Ne would be no trouble now it was established who was boss. Look at ner gazing at pim with those almond-shaped eyes, so--cute and--triumphant...

The wave Taupeshank was riding broke abruptly against something sturdier. Pe reached forward and flicked the atmospherics switch again.

"Wai--" Alluring began.

"Nay, belay that, Liberty," Taupe said clearly into the transceiver. "Knock me out, knock me out quickly. Ignore anything else I may say midtimes."

Pe turned away from the instrument banks to face Alluring's scream of rage and defeat. The ninja was still yanking at the chain and trying to kill pim right up until they both hit the deck.