Four

Sebastian was about to open his mouth when his eyes widened at the sight of a head.

"Oh dear. Is that so?" he squeezed out of himself, tracking ze Contessa without really looking at her, with his peripheral sight. Suitov probably noticed the implications of this: Sebastian stared not at him, but through him. "Is this to say... perchance, that getting out of here is devilishly hard?" The tone of his voice suggested he was somehow tense - then again, he was clutching the sceptre with white knuckles.

Glumly, he wondered if the Lady was once again bored of her other toys. The silvermane was weeping mentally.

Geekov glanced over his shoulder. "That could be," he said thoughtfully. "Hmm - someone you know?"

She finished shouldering her way into the room, gingerly ducking her head to miss the beam blocking the door. She dusted her hands together sharply as she surveyed the state of the room.

"Zis" She declared "Ez ze deezaster area!" She planted her hands on her hips and peered around the room. "Where ez the proprietor!" The riding crop appeared in her hand again.

Her heels clicked quietly on the floor as she turned in a circle, carefully examining each face in the room. So many interesting faces. And a familiar one as well.

Iseea smiled.

Not so many faces, but no matter. Issea made friends easily. She tapped the riding crop idly in against her knee. Especially men.

She raised an eyebrow in the direction of a certain jester and grinned.

Especially the men.

They loved to dance attendance on her....

"In the most neutral sense of the word," Sebastian said calmly in a whisper while looking back at ze Countessa. In reality the half-elf was contemplating the quickest way to kill himself before this turned into a marathon.

The Hat didn't have anything against marathons - the gods knew he had ran quite a number of them during the years, often escorted and encouraged by the gentle whistling of arrows.

Marathons with riding crops, however, spurred a very nervous reaction from him. So, nervously, he grabbed his braid and nibbled at its end.

Then he pointed a finger at Geekov as an answer to the demanding query.

Izzy stared back at the kitty. Then, very deliberately, she lifted her tail high, stood one her two left legs and stuck her tongue out at the kitty, trying to keep a straight face.

Micah breathed deeply. He hadn't really noticed who had put him up here. His eyes had still been very blurry because of the (ahem)... dust, but now he was breathing the cool fresh air he felt much better.

Or at least he had been, until he'd spotted the formidable figure with the riding crop enter the room. Something told him that this meant trouble.

''Izzy!'', he whispered, ''For goodness sake stop playing with the cat and let's get the f'nark outa here! This place gives me the creeps.''

Izzy turned a full circle in leaps and twists, giggling as the cat followed her movements with its eyes.

''I'm not leaving. I like it here.''

Micah turned back to look out of the window. His expression turned from fear to utter disgust. ''Izzy, let’s leave… NOW!''

Izzy stopped dancing and looked up at her brother. That expression meant only one thing. Agueda was outside.

~~~

Her head and heart felt heavy as she trudged towards the inn. How had she got here? She didn’t know… she didn’t care. All she could think about was Taryn.

Could the day possibly get any worse?

She ducked the wooden beam blocking the door and heard a loud rriiiip. Turning, she saw the end of her long white robe caught on a nail with a four inch gash in the material.

Figures.

She was close to tears until she spied the bottle of strawberry crème liquer.

''Excuse me, may I?'' she said, grabbing the bottle and taking a long gulp.

Initially she felt quite dizzy, but after another mouthful the emptiness subsided, the heaviness lifted and she began to forget the previous happenings of the day. She even felt a little elated.

Where had this bottle come from? Hadn’t she grabbed it off somebody?

She turned and, on seeing him, raised an eyebrow and smiled. The day seemed to be getting better quite quickly.

Ah. Drat.

Suitov pondered dropping his illusory disguise, but until the fangirl was conclusively dead or absent, he didn't feel remotely safe.

"Yes, the owner would be me," he admitted.

Baskerville looked up delightedly at Issea's entrance and trotted over, fluffing his hair up with one hand.

"And this is the disaster area," Geekov added.

"But I have a heart of gold," Basky clarified. Improbable as it sounded.

Satisfied that the little stalker wasn't going to awaken anytime soon, Carnil looked up, examining the latest risque fashions. He leered. "Wow," he cooed. "That's a lot of cow you're wearing."

Carnil was wearing leather too, but his jacket and trousers were in dull grey-greens and browns. Good camoflage stuff. And it wasn't cow-leather. Skippy-skin was the strongest he'd come across in a life time.

The kitten widened her eyes and pulled her head back, which action spun her backward. She landed somewhere between her back and her rear. Yup, this new creature was definitely nothing Mai was used to. The way it danced almost seemed intended to bewilder poor Mai into falling over herself time and again -- which, of course, was exactly what was happening. She couldn't help it. Izzy was just that entertaining.

Jaina finally noticed the Countessa's entrance. The redhead only knew the whip-wielder in passing and bore no grudge against her, but damned if our favourite vampire hunter was going to let this dominatrix seduce Lucifer. I saw him first, she pointedly thought at the Countessa. She also wrapped both arms around Luce's firm bicep, as if she could cling to him like a used dryer sheet. Or something.

Iseea purred in delight as she greeted Baskerville. "Dahling! You are as handsome as ever!"

Then she turned with not so much delight to the owner of the establishment, intent on giving him a stern reprimand on the unacceptible conditions she found at the inn; when she felt a mild tingling on the back of her neck. She turned just in time to catch the redhead's glare. Her beautiful eyes narrowed to slits as she sized up the competition and the prize the redhead clutched so possessively. She dismissed the redhead almost immediately, but the Prize.....ah yes, he would indeed be a most suitable companion for the leather clad Countessa.

"Dahling" She smiled at Baskerville, "You simply must introduce me to your friends."

I'm in a truckload of trouble. What I'd give for a psychotic she-devil of a grandchild right now... one with a penchant for mass destruction.

Sebastian grinned nervously, but managed to make it the sparkly friendly type instead of the usual sickeningly charming roguish one. "Is there a back door?" he murmurred - very quietly - to Suitov without moving his lips.

"Dearest Countess," Baskerville schmoozed, "it would be my pleasure! Let me see, who's nearest? This frood is Carnil, whom I'm afraid I know by reputation only. I'm not familiar with his charming ladyfriend, the one who seems to have drunk something that disagreed with her. Over there is the beautiful Jaina - aha, have you met? - and S- erm, Lucy, the one with the stick.

"Then, this is my good buddy Lance. He's technically an angel, but it's not his fault and he's doing his best to live a full life regardless. And there are some other people scattered about that I don't recognise.

"And THIS fine fellow here is Sebastian: rogue, scoundrel and general ne'er-do-well." He beamed at Sebbie and clapped him on the shoulder. Friendly-like.

"Oh!", Agueda fumbled over her thoughts a little, and became aware that her actions so far might have been more than a little rude.

"I'm Agueda. I'm... not sure why I'm here." She turned to Carnil, "But I'm glad I am."

She took another drink from the bottle, but this was less of a gulp and more of a sip. Deliberately so. She didn't want to end up like that girl on the floor.

She'd noticed the leather-clad, whip-bearing specimen. Normally... well, she was in no sort of mood to deal with that today.

"So, you're Carnil?" She said, handing back the liquer.

~~~

Izzy knew better than to interupt Agueda. She went back to tormenting to puddy-tat, standing on her tippy-toes, wiggling her knees and whipping her tail from side to side.

"Resident king of jesters, I might add," Sebastian wheezed and grinned nervously at Suitov. "And... err. Oh, such a pleasure to meet you, good Countess! I would enquire why admirably strict presence has found its way to grace us here, but alas, we are all victims of the foul curse of the land."

In midsentence, he also managed to improvise something: "But as we are stuck here, I would like to point out that the Jesters' and Magicians' Guilds in conjuction are offering a discount on magic tricks. A drink or two and you shall get all the disappearing tricks you can stomach! Now that is a generous offer, a bargain, ifIsaysomyself. What say you, O' good proprietor?"

He returned the gesture he had received from Baskerville. Exactly as he had been served it. He believed in returning favours - but not always if he was in the receiving end.

Iseea smiled.
"Rogue. Scoundrel. General Ne'er-do-well...What endearing qualities!" She gave him a slow, appraising gaze and smiled again.

He seemed so nervous, this friend of her Baskerville's! She leaned closer and ran her fingers lightly over his arm to reasure him.

"Surely being trapped here with this company can not be such a bad thing as all that, dah-ling!"

The look on the presently jingly swashbuckler's face was one of careful blankness. Underneath...

Well, that didn't work.

"Being trapped, in my profession, is not a very professional thing to do," Sebastian coughed and pulled up the "bloodhound with sinus trouble" face. "But I shall be quite fine... fine... as long as I am allowed to drown my tears of shame in spirits of approximately high quality.

"I'll have whatever the capital fellow there is having," Sebastian added in a much lighter tone as he pointed at Carnil.

Baskerville gave over trying to remember if Sebbie'd just patted him or Suitov. "Awrraght, comin' right up," he said with a horrible grin.

He sniffed the air around Carnil a few times, then uncorked a few of the mystery bottles until his nose identified something similar. There was more myrtleberry, less mint, but it was eye-wateringly strong. More or less as ordered, then.

He located an ancient and moderately dusty glass, buffed it on his I Killed Schroedinger's Cat t-shirt and handed both tumbler and tincture over.

"Do tell me I can get you something too, Countessa."

"oh Dah-ling! Such a gentleman you are!"

She tapped her riding crop lightly on her hand as she thought.

"Bloody Mary is my favorite, dahling. Could I have one of those, please?"

Mai trotted up to Baskerville and sniffed around as well. She gave him a very odd look, all the odder for being on a feline face, and glanced at the bottles around him.

Then she noticed his shirt.

Something in her throat emitted a solid "MurrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRR!" Mai tried to swipe at the offending shirt. Since she was still on the floor, she got as high as Basky's knee, clawed air, and landed on her butt. So much for catlike grace. She did manage to pull off a passable "I meant to do that" pose afterward, though, and that had to count for something.

Lance was still trying to wake up Amber, who was still unconscious. Slap face, call name, sigh in frustration seemed to be the common theme going on over there. The two of them were easily ignored for the moment.

Lucifer, on the other hand, was not entirely unaware that he'd just become the prize in a game. But, being the gentleman he was, he wasn't going to make a big deal about it. On the contrary, he thought it was rather amusing. Lucifer thought most things were amusing.

"So tell me, Ms Jaina," Lucifer's tenor bounced lightly through the air, "What brings a charming lady to such a place as this? I'm under the impression that you did not arrive with Lance."

Lance looked up to say something about leaving said charming lady alone, but then only just realized Jaina was a good two inches taller than Lucifer. Lance stifled laughter and went back to trying to wake up Amber.

Carnil turned to the girl and smiled.

"Hi there, Agueda. Yes, I'm called Carnil."

He took a deep draught of the bottle he was holding and almost gagged. "Light!" he gasped. "I can't believed I just drank creme liqueur. Someone, quick! Give me gin!"